Being an adult in a new city is hard. As a military spouse I know all too well what it’s like not having a sense of community, even when you’re surrounded by people and plenty of things to do. There’s so much going on, but that fear of going alone because you have no one to invite can constantly have you missing out.
I’m here to say that even if you are doing it alone, you should do it anyway. You never know who you’re going to meet, and nothing will change by staying at home alone.
A new needlepoint store opened down the street from me earlier this year, and if you’re on the internet at all, you know that needlepoint has been all the craze for the granny hobby girlies. Which, honestly? It was way more my vibe, and way more the kind of people I wanted to connect with, than going out to bars and having relationships based around drinking.
Don’t get me wrong, that’s fun every once in a while, but I wanted to connect with people who had similar hobbies and interests as me. I had tried needlepoint a little bit in the past, and I was so excited that I finally had a space I could physically go to and potentially meet people.
One fateful day during my doom scrolling, I came across the TikTok for the needlepoint store, and they were hosting WIP Wednesday open stitch nights! My immediate thought was, “How cool, this could be my way to meet people!”
But just as quickly, the insecure thoughts started creeping in.
I told myself that I wasn’t good enough at needlepoint to be there. I didn’t know anybody. I would feel awkward going by myself. What if there was already an established group? As a girl in her 20s, it can be so intimidating to feel like an outsider, and I was just so scared to go.
A few weeks went by, and each Wednesday I saw the same people coming together and showing off their WIPs, gorgeous new canvases, and beautifully finished projects. The more I saw it, the more I wanted to be a part of it. Eventually, I decided that I wasn’t going to miss out on the opportunity to join a community where I could meet more people my age with similar interests.
I had to give myself a pep talk and put some of those unreasonable excuses to bed. I made a commitment to myself to just go once. If I stayed home, nothing would change, and I certainly wasn’t going to meet anyone from my living room.
I started with baby steps. Obviously, I needed a needlepoint canvas in order to actually do needlepoint.
So, on a night when the store was regularly open for shoppers like me, I stopped by and picked out my first real needlepoint canvas. I spoke with one of the shop girls, and she was so kind and helpful. Not once did I feel like any of my questions were too small. We picked out some fun threads, and I was on my way back home to get started.
Through a few TikToks and a needlepoint stitch book, I was able to get a good enough start on my canvas that I could work on it without feeling like a complete outsider to the craft.
Now came the big step, I had to actually leave my house, drive my car, walk into the needlepoint store, and be ready to put myself out there.
That was a slightly scary thing to do as someone who has had to continue making friends in every new area she moves to. Once I get comfortable in a city, I pretty much start all over again. (Anyone else military? I see you, and I understand you!)
I was ready this time. I reminded myself that I could just go once, and I never had to go back if it didn’t feel right for me.
So, I sat down at the project table, started stitching, said hi to the people around me, and jumped into conversation where I could.
Once I was there, I realized the hardest part was already over.
I had a fantastic night yapping about the latest reality TV gossip, picking up a few needlepoint tips, and just connecting with girls my age who shared a similar interest. Yes, I also got to show off my project in my first TikTok with them.
I was so proud of myself for putting myself out there, and I’ve gone almost every single week since that fateful WIP Wednesday back in June.
Soon enough, I became a regular alongside an amazing group of young women I’ve become so grateful to know. We’ve spent almost every Wednesday night together for nearly four months now. Slowly, and before I even realized it, the conversations evolved from “Hi, what’s your name?” to “How did that job interview last week go?”
We went from strangers to friends almost without realizing it.
One night, it actually came up that each of us had initially shown up there alone! I could have sworn some of them knew each other beforehand based on how naturally everyone connected. It just turned out we all shared one thing in common: we were looking for a new way to make friends with the same interests.
It can be so hard nowadays to find ways to connect with like-minded people out in the real world once we’re adults. This space gave us a really unique opportunity to let our love of needlepoint bring us together.
Now, a group of people who were once strangers have a group chat where we justify each other’s extravagant canvas purchases, debrief the latest needlepoint-world happenings, and coordinate who we’re all voting for on Dancing With the Stars every Tuesday.
I’m so grateful that I went to that first stitch night and started this hobby. It’s gotten me off my phone more, given me a community, and left me with some really cool pieces that I hope to pass down one day.
But beyond that, I’ve learned so much about myself through it, too.
Learning a new hobby is never easy, and adding a brand-new social circle on top of it can feel like a lot. But I knew that by staying home, nothing would change. So I took a chance on myself, and the people I’ve met because of it are more valuable than any heirloom craft my grandkids might inherit one day.
It’s so important to just do the thing that scares you because, honestly, we’re all probably thinking the same thing. So many of us crave community, but we’re scared to seek it out alone.
What we don’t always realize is that most of us are in the same boat, just looking to try new things and meet new people.
There are so many chances we can take to put ourselves out there and simply say we tried. It’s better to try and fail than to never try at all. If I had gone to stitch night and didn’t meet anyone, that would’ve been okay, too. However, had I never taken the chance at all, I wouldn’t have this awesome group of people I almost certainly wouldn’t have met otherwise.
There are so many opportunities to do this that we don’t even realize. Sign up for the after-work rec basketball team. Volunteer one night a week at your local church. Try the class you keep seeing advertised. Go to the event you wish you had someone to invite to.
There are so many ways to get connected to your community.
Every time you put yourself out there and meet new people, you’re opening yourself up to a new friendship, connection, or memory just waiting to happen.
So, if you’re debating taking the leap and going anyway?
Just go.